Introvert, Extrovert, Ambivert: Are You Drinking for Your Personality or Against It?
The Four I’s of Mindful Drinking (8 min read)
Changing the way that I drink has given me more clarity on my true personality now in my mid-40s than I have ever had in my entire drinking career.
It hasn’t always been this way.
If, like me, you've ever wondered if the way that you're drinking actually complements who you are as a person, then this is for you.
The Dutch Courage Trap
I'm sure you've heard the phrase 'Dutch courage'. It dates back to war times when the British used the term to mock the Dutch, who would have a tipple of Geneva before entering battle, claiming that they didn't have real courage—just false bravado from alcohol.
We still use it the same way today. We say we need a splash of Dutch courage before speaking publicly, going on a date or frankly, any new social situation.
We use alcohol to help us perpetuate a side of our personality that we want to be more prevalent in any given situation.
But have you ever stopped to wonder whether that Dutch courage is actually masking your real personality? And if you might be more effective if you would just be yourself?
The Personality Spectrum
When it comes to personalities, we’ve all heard of introverts and extroverts, but, like many things in life, it’s not a binary identifier. In fact, we experience personality on a spectrum, and right in the middle sits something called an ambivert.
Many consider introverts to be shy, retiring wallflowers, while extroverts are often perceived as loud, obnoxious firestarters. In truth, your level of intro-extroversion isn’t a marker of your self-confidence at all. Rather, it’s how your psyche prefers to re-energise its social battery.
Ambiverts may be quiet, but it’s not out of shyness. When you find yourself energised by solitude or smaller, more intimate gatherings, then there’s less need to be ‘seen & heard’ among the crowd.
Extroverts, on the other hand, are likely to want and need company, through the good times and the bad. They need connection and support in a visible and vocal form to feel relaxed and recharged, ready for the next curveball that life throws at them.
So what about the ambivert then? What do they need?
Ambiverts can traverse either side of that spectrum—they're flexible and adaptable, able to find energy in quiet times with just a few close friends or get lively and outgoing, bonding in group situations.
How Your Personality Type Shapes Your Drinking
Introverts often prefer drinking with smaller groups of trusted people. You can easily be entertained sitting on the sofa with your other half or at a secluded table in the corner of a quiet pub rather than in the thick of things.
But this doesn't mean you're not going to drink. Introverts will quite happily make their way through two or three bottles of wine with just a small group, quite possibly drinking more than intended, because they feel so comfortable and safe.
Extroverts are more likely to partake in more ‘lively’ drinking activities. They'll be standing at the bar, getting the shots in, getting other people involved, maybe playing (instigating) drinking games and doing their best to make sure everyone feels involved.
Ambiverts, with their chameleon-like nature, can find themselves easily slipping into either situation. And this can be where more unstable habits unfold, because if you find you could drink just as much anywhere you go, it's very hard to find times when you won't drink more than intended.
For an ambivert, alcohol becomes almost a tool for changing gears.
My Own Revelation
I had always considered myself an extrovert. I worked in hospitality for 24 years, and in that game, it's all about people. Your entire workplace is a hive of social activity. After work, you go to another venue with more people and socialise some more. You're trained to deliver good times by talking, socialising, and making that part of your personality.
I always assumed I was a really extroverted person who loved being around others. But now with hindsight, I can recognise that my drinking habits were very much employing that ‘Dutch courage’ to enable me to be as extrovert as possible – fake it till you make it, right (I hate that phrase now).
What I discovered as I started changing how I drank was that, actually, I'm quite an introvert... and I love it. That might sound odd, considering I’m a podcast host and public speaker, but remember, introversion is not the same as shyness.
And while I had a flourishing career as a social butterfly for some time, I have always needed solitude to recharge myself afterwards. I can quite happily bask in my own company, laughing at my own jokes for hours on end and never feel alone. By the same token, I can sometimes find a crowded room to be the loneliest, most draining place of all.
I never recognised this before. I didn't realise what I needed to rejuvenate my social battery. So when I felt like I was running on empty, I was topping up that energy with alcohol—false bravado, false energy, extra socialisation power-ups that left me feeling weaker in the long run.
The Four I's Framework
1. Identify - Know Your Real Energy Source
This is about understanding what your core social energy is really derived from. This isn't about boxing yourself in—remember, this is a spectrum and you will likely find some scenarios where you lean more one way than the other.
But think about it, identify which state is your true self. What makes you feel the most energised, the most restored? What replenishes your social battery when you're feeling exhausted?
Is it being around other people and feeding off the energy, the good vibes, the social winds and the excitement of other people?
Is it spending time with just a few close friends or family and really diving into deep, intimate conversations?
Or is it spending time on your own, sitting on the sofa or in the park with a book or binging on a box set?
Whatever it is, there is no right or wrong. It's just about what makes you feel most socially restored, most energised and most yourself.
2. Investigate - What Drives Your Choices
The next step is to investigate. This is about examining your current drinking patterns to see what habits you are perpetuating; looking closely at when, where, why and, most importantly, how you're drinking.
Do you notice that when you're with a group of people, you are generally drinking more than makes you feel comfortable?
Are you trying to fit in with the crowd and keep up with what everybody else is doing – or are you leading the charge?
Do you find that when you're sitting in a group of just your best friends, you're the one calling for more drinks?
Are you using the alcohol to enhance a situation that you're already enjoying, or are you using it to push yourself into something that you don't naturally feel is a fit for you?
Pay attention to the triggers that lead you to drink more than you normally would or would like to, to the people that are around you when you feel like that, to the mood that you're in and the choices you subsequently make.
3. Implement - Match Your Drinking Style to Your Personality.
Your next I is to implement. To match your drinking style to your energy style, choosing drinks and settings and a pacing that works with your personality.
If you're an extrovert in a big group, feeling energised by lots of people around you and everybody is having a drink, you’re not going to want to feel left out. Instead, it’s about finding ways that you can remain within that group but still keep true to your desire to build a better life for yourself.
First and foremost, obviously coming from me, it's going to be a case of finding drinks that you can enjoy. That might be alcohol-free, low or even mid-strength drinks, so that you can pace your drinking :
- Zebra striping (switching between full strength and AF throughout)
- Bookend (starting and ending with AF, with just a couple of full-strength drinks in between)
- Coasting (using mid-strength drinks throughout your night to cut your booze intake in half)
- Or simply sticking with low/no all night long
In these situations, the ritual of participating is usually far more important than the actual drink in your glass. It's about having something in your hand so that you look and feel the part.
If you're more of an introvert, it may mean choosing a more mindful approach to drinking. It can be quite easy when you're sitting with just a group of three or four of your besties, and everyone's taking turns to order another bottle to mindlessly go along with it.
But if you could take the time to think more mindfully about your drinking experience, you'll find that you're able to pace yourself a little bit better.
There are the obvious things like having a glass of water in between every drink and looking at low/no options again. But also, it's about taking the time to be mind’full’ of your choices.
Consider the drink in your glass. Make sure that you are paying attention to how it looks, how it tastes, how it smells, and how it's making you feel. Sip slowly rather than guzzling quickly, and think about how that drink is impacting your experience with your friends.
Is it adding to the time that you're having together, or do you feel like it might be starting to take away, as you're not able to be as present and participate as deeply as truly matters to you?
4. Iterate - Adjust as You Go
Throughout your entire journey to a life less intoxicated, iteration is your friend. This is not all or nothing. It's not about immediate, absolute and irrevocable change.
You have the freedom to assess how your choices have impacted any situation and make changes as you see fit.
Perhaps you decided to coast with mid-strength drinks, but the next morning you feel just as bad because you had twice as many. In that case, iterate and try something different next time.
There are lots of ways to achieve your mindful drinking goals. You have to find what works for you. If it doesn't work, that's fine. You've learned something and can make informed decisions next time.
Perhaps moderation isn't the best approach for you. Perhaps the answer is alcohol-free drinks all night long. Give that a try and see how you feel.
This is all about finding a drinking style that complements your personality as well as the lifestyle you're trying to build - Dutch courage be damned!
